‘The Late Show’s Stephen Colbert and guests Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, John Oliver and Seth Meyers this week
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Jimmy Kimmel’s Disney Upfront Jokes Touch On Trump, BS & More
Even by Jimmy Kimmel’s standards, it’s been quite the crazy ride for ABC’s late-night host since he was last on stage in New York for a Disney upfront presentation.
“Have to admit, I’ve been through so much bullsh*t this year, it actually made me appreciate this bullsh*t,” the upfronts veteran told Disney brass, stars and assembled ad buyers Tuesday at this year’s gathering at the Javitz Center.
Which is why the self-described “bad boy of data and measurement solutions” added today, “I cost our company a lot of money this year, billions.”
Introduced by Ryan Seacrest, Kimmel hit the stage today to big applause and unsheathed his satire swords fast, furious and funny. “It is very possible that no employee in the history of any company has cost their employer more,” he said right at the drop. “Hiring me 24 years ago, just from a purely mathematical standpoint, was the worst personnel decision that Disney Corporation has ever made. Not even the captain of the Exxon Valdez did more damage.”
Pummeling and being pummeled by Donald Trump and the MAGAheads, the Jimmy Kimmel Live! frontman was yanked off the air last fall for remarks he made about the murder of conservative activist Charlie Kirk. Constantly called out as low-rated and no-talent by the former Apprentice host, more recently Kimmel found himself at the receiving end of a rare rebuke by Melania Trump over an “expectant widow” remark he made days before the shocking shootings that closed down the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.
Amplified by POTUS, the First Lady’s distracting take on Kimmel now finds ABC in a sped-up licensing renewal review of its stations by the FCC, a move agency head Brendan Carr and others insist has nothing to do with displeasing their Oval Office master.
Speaking of Trump, there was no direct mention of the historically low polling POTUS at the Disney upfront before Kimmel arrived for his traditional roasting of the political, the corporate, the media and everything else — including his bosses. But, spoken or unspoken, Trump was top of mind.
“Yes, the President has tried to get me twice over the last six months,” Kimmel noted. “That’s one way to look at it. Another way. You could also say, I’ve generated unparalleled engagement across a variety of platforms this year, largely thanks to our partners in Washington, we are up 25% among viewers.”
“You know, usually in order for ABC to pull you off the air, you have to throw a chair at your Mormon boyfriend,” Kimmel added. (If you missed it, the Mormon reference was to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and The Bachelorette Season 22 star Taylor Frankie Paul and the domestic disputes in her life that put both reality series on pause.)
Oddly, with a bit of a wink and a nod and some 2027, the performance was billed by Disney as “a GRAMMYs® Moment Courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel.” It was, except for a surprise performance of “Drop Dead” by Olivia Rodrigo (with some dance moves by Kimmel’s daughter), very not the Grammys.
Here’s some of Kimmel’s best zingers today:
- “Since I started ABC, I’ve had three CEOs: Bob, Bob, Bob and Josh. Josh’s last name is pronounced ‘D’Amaro,’ as in, ‘All the shows you saw earlier will be canceled tomorrow.’”
- “I was on The Late Show last night with Stephen Colbert. As you know, CBS is turning 11:35 into a leased time slot, least as in, least likely to offend the President with a rerun of Comics Unleashed from 2007 featuring Paula Poundstone and Andy Dick. Poor Steven. It’s bad enough to lose your job. Imagine getting replaced by the owner of the Weather Channel.”
- “You know, in the past, I’ve come here to mock the other network shows. It was all very competitive, but now we’re like a bunch of dirty, starving little chihuahuas under the table waiting for a chicken leg to drop. For the first time, I think ever, I am rooting for CBS. They’ve got a lot of great returning shows, and they’ve got some great new shows. NCIS: New York answers the question: What if LL Cool J partnered up with another white guy in a different city? They have an Einstein show about Albert Einstein’s grandson who solves crimes. You know, they were supposed to release that one last year, but they pushed it back because they needed time to figure out who the Einstein was that decided to make a show about Einstein’s grandson solving crimes.”
- This will be the first Super Bowl on ABC in 20 years, and we are going to milk the bejesus out of it. We are going to spend the whole year promoting what’s already the most popular thing on Earth. And as if the country isn’t already divided enough, we put the game on Valentine’s Day just to be dicks. And let me tell you what the halftime show this year is going to be – the whitest sh*t you’ve ever seen. Goodbye, Bad Bunny. Welcome back, O-Town.”
- “As for us at ABC, except for all the domestic violence we’re doing really great. Dancing With the Stars is hotter than your grandma’s underpants at a Michael Bublé show. The Rookie was the most streamed show among viewers under 18. Young people love The Rookie. And do you know why? I’m actually asking why does anyone know why this is happening? This is like finding out tweens love Triscuits.”
Kicking off about an hour earlier with a Madonna-soundtracked video of Disney’s biggest stars, an awkward elevator scene and a “how you all doing tonight?” from literal Disney princess and Devil Wears Prada franchise’s Anne Hathaway, the 2026 upfront saw newish CEO Josh D’Amaro take the stage to assert both change and continuity. Of course, the die-hard sports fan and former Parks boss’ pokes at the NBA’s New York Knicks just blocks from Madison Square Garden threw down another type of marker, especially when Medfield, MA-born D’Amaro admitted he’s a Celtics fan.
After that, with a glitchy mic, an Avenger or two and some Gordon Lightfoot, it was one loving testimony on video and onstage after another from Disney stars or creators. Plus there was a whole lot of “superpower” Super Bowl LXI, and more sports,The Simpsons and some Bluey, pitching the company in the brave new digital world that isn’t that new and is about to become much more digital with AI.
Poking another bear with a “not that we’re competitive” quip, GMA’s Robin Roberts used part of her stint onstage for the shindig to mock the new viewership declines of ABC’s network rivals and perceived lack of editorial independence. In a breaking news moment of sorts, Roberts also officially revealed the non-secret that Conan O’Brien would be back to host ABC’s second-to-last airing of the Oscars before it moves to YouTube in 2029.
In that sense, the sharp-tongued Roberts was simply setting the stage for a nothing-left-to-lose Kimmel to give one of his most piercing upfronts performances ever — and that’s saying something.
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