Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.

From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every week we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the sport we all love…

Well, what a season it’s been. VAR cleared up all the contentious decisions while not slowing down the pace of the game or ruining fans’ enjoyment of the sport, the handball rule was easy to follow, and 115 charges against Manchester City were decisively ruled upon in a swift, timely fashion.

Here at Row Z, we’ve got our best suit on and our acceptance speech ready, as it’s time for the end-of-the-season awards. Enjoy!

Meeting of minds of the season

Ex-referee Dermot Gallagher and former Coventry City, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Cardiff City striker Jay Bothroyd (or, as Sky Sports News have been captioning him since Arsenal won the title, ‘Arsenal 1995-2000’ even though he was 13 in 1995 and left Highbury without making a senior appearance) had their say on huddle-gate — also known as referee Paul Tierney standing still while some Chelsea footballers creepily surrounded him to fully respect the ball.

Gallagher: “Couldn’t believe it. Just couldn’t believe it, honestly. I watched Saturday night just… (shocked expression). I just see no need for it.”

Bothroyd: “I’m kind of like, why has Paul got to stand there? Even when I was playing, referees are kind of in the vicinity of the penalty spot, but does he have to stand on the penalty spot?”

Gallagher: “That’s the centre spot.”

Bothroyd: “Yeah, but does he… I mean, sorry, the centre spot. Does he have to stand on the centre spot?”

Gallagher: “Well, he wants to…”

Bothroyd: “He doesn’t have to stand there, does he?”

Gallagher: “Well, he doesn’t have to but… they don’t have to stand there either, do they?”

Quote of the season

An honourable late mention for former Manchester City manager Stuart Pearce who, when summarising Pep Guardiola’s impact on the club during 10 years in charge, said on talkSPORT: “I find it quite incredible that with everything he’s achieved we can still look for a negative. People say the charges here and the charges (there). Listen, you can’t pick a negative on him.

“It’s like turning around and saying, ‘You know that Mother Theresa, some of her gear weren’t the smartest you know’.”

But the winner has to be Southampton midfielder Flynn Downes discussing manager Tonda Eckert’s seemingly uncanny ability to know exactly how the opposition would be lining up.

Flynn Downes on Tonda Eckert: “His attention to detail is unreal. Literally every little thing, he just gives you. It makes it so easy. You go out on a Saturday and you know what you’re doing, you know what the other team are doing.” #saintsfc [bbc] pic.twitter.com/BAh5OYbo81

— SaintsExtra (@SaintsExtra) December 4, 2025

Commitment of the season

You may have seen that Cristiano Ronaldo finally won a trophy in Saudi Arabia last week, three years after joining the club. Well done!

Amid the glory, though, it’s always important to remember the strike action too, like when Ronaldo missed two matches in February shortly after the transfer window closed without Al Nassr making any big signings (unlike title-rivals Al Hilal, who signed Karim Benzema).

Ronaldo reportedly felt all sad and “let down” by the lack of Al Nassr investment, which was a curious take, seeing as they devote £175million a year to paying his wages, or £479,000 ($655,000) per day.

A source-quoted line in the BBC’s report got to the heart of the matter: “He’s just competitive and doesn’t like other clubs getting stronger.” Arrgggh, they’re just so annoying!

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. Ronaldo was understandably ecstatic to win the Saudi Pro League title and immediately took to social media to post a picture of himself and his team-mates.

CHAMPIONS!!!!! 🏆 🟡🔵 pic.twitter.com/8x9nzGHRx1

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) May 21, 2026

However, the Portuguese prima donna is only runner-up this year to the ultimate club man, Tottenham Hotspur’s Cristian Romero.

If the Argentine captain fantastic wasn’t promising to give 200 per cent effort while simultaneously shuffling back into defence as the opposition were scoring goals, he was busy being suspended three times (with the VAR panel retrospectively deciding he should have been sent off twice more), or publicly slating the club that, according to the Telegraph, made him their top-earning player when they handed him a huge new contract last summer.

In keeping with his excellent season, consummate professional Romero apparently initially decided to skip the relegation do-or-die clash against Everton, i.e. the biggest Spurs league game for years, instead heading home to Argentina to watch one of his old teams, before seemingly being summoned back to London and forced to watch the match.

And of course, he was right there in the middle of the celebrations after Joao Palhinha’s winning goal.

The guy just loves the club.

Karma of the season

Remember the lengths poor Alexander Isak and Yoane Wissa went to in order to get out of their handsomely-paid contracts early and move to different clubs last summer? How did that go, then?

Weeks of strike action and refusing to play led to transfers worth a combined £180m, with the pair reportedly earning around £420,000 per week between them (and the rest).

In return? A combined 33 Premier League appearances… and four goals. With fees and wages combined, that’s about £50m per goal. Well done, everyone.

Unfathomability of the season

Sean Dyche, Brentford versus Nottingham Forest and towels for long throws.

“They have towels… can’t work that out.

“Why not… just go, no towels, just get on with the game? It just adds another layer of things for us to talk about and for us to worry about.

“Just say no towels. Dead easy, isn’t it? It’s not rocket science. Why make it more complicated? It’s unfathomable to me.”

Brentford’s Michael Kayode and a towel (Alex Pantling/Getty Images)

Can you tweet something like… of the season

Striker Fabio Silva was so emotional at leaving Wolves for Borussia Dortmund after five years at the club that he felt compelled to write a lengthy, heartfelt statement talking of football and life being “about more than just numbers or moments on the pitch”.

The Portuguese youngster talked about how he had “discovered the true meaning of family” and that he would “keep chasing my happiness” despite leaving with a “bittersweet feeling”.

Powerful stuff. And pretty impressive for a young lad for whom English isn’t his first language. Fair play.

Three days later, Christantus Uche left Getafe to join Crystal Palace, but not before taking to Instagram to bid an emotional farewell.

Oh…

This is like getting caught copying ur mates homework at school 😂 #wwfc #wolves pic.twitter.com/OdIQHPH9pl

— ◣ ◢ (@wwfc_c) September 2, 2025

Yep, it was the exact same 251-word statement, with two mentions of Wolves replaced by Getafe. Deep.

The common denominator? Agent Jorge Mendes was involved in both deals. Can you pretend you care and say something like…

Chairman of the season

It has to be the guy who called for stability as he handed a three-year contract to a Premier League manager who had gone winless in his previous eight matches in charge, then sacked him six weeks later and tried to re-hire the guy he’d sacked a year earlier (despite saying in the summer he should have sacked him months before he did).

The same chairman previously suggested people shouldn’t support his football club if they wanted trophies or European football.

And then a few weeks later, he claimed, with his club cut adrift at the bottom of the table, that relegation was merely a ‘technical word’.

Jeff Shi of Wolves, ladies and gentlemen. Well, formerly of Wolves (he was hounded out in December after fan protests).

To be fair to Shi, Wolves were pretty stable in that they occupied the same league position for 37 of 38 matchdays in 2025-26.

Club of the season

It’s a unanimous choice here, congratulations to Chelsea Football Club.

Having spent almost £2billion and counting on transfers since BlueCo bought them four years ago, it’s been a heck of a journey.

Chelsea, who won the Champions League and finished third in the Premier League in the two seasons preceding BlueCo’s arrival, have successfully avoided relegation for four years in a row, finishing 12th, sixth, fourth and now 10th.

Key additions to the squad have included Romeo Lavia (£53m), Joao Felix (£45m), Jamie Gittens (£48m), Wesley Fofana (£69m) and Mykhaylo Mudryk (£60m).

After last year bravely overcoming Djurgardens and FC Noah to win the Conference League, before winning a post-season tournament played at a tremendous pace in the U.S. that all the big teams tried desperately hard to win, Chelsea kicked on in 2025-26 by employing the former manager of Hull City and Strasbourg.

The players bypassed difficult hurdles such as a barber accidentally leaking team news to successfully avoid qualifying for Europe next season, noting how much it had benefitted Manchester United, and therefore commendably eschewed the opportunity to reach the Europa League (they would have needed just six points from their final nine matches to qualify).

Row Z can only assume that plans are already afoot to add to the club’s cohort of 49 centre-backs over the summer while presumably sticking with the same dodgy goalkeeper and refusing to sign any player over the age of 25, in keeping with how triumphant this strategy has proved in achieving all of the club’s goals thus far.

Chelsea did not qualify for Europe (George Wood/Getty Images)

No problem of the season

During an interview with fellow humility fan Piers Morgan earlier in the season, Ronaldo (after a seven-minute discussion about how rich he is, during which Ronaldo repeatedly insisted he didn’t have the faintest idea, even swearing on his own kids, how many cars he owned before then answering: ’41’) was informed that his former Manchester United team-mate Wayne Rooney recently said Lionel Messi was the better player.

He took it really well, saying the following words.

“No problem.

“No problem.

“I’m not mad with that.

“It’s OK.

“It’s OK.

“For me, it’s not a problem.”

It was definitely fine.

Rule summary of the season

Really good thing he only elbowed Spence in the face and his hand didn’t brush through Spence’s hair otherwise he could’ve been sent off for violent conduct. https://t.co/Vd30dwHQ7c

— Robert (@UtdRobert) May 21, 2026

That’s all for 2025-26 folks, see you next season.